


To Escape What's Inside Me

by twilightstarr



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Anxiety, Fire Emblem: Awakening Spoilers, Gender Neutral Morgan, Gender-Neutral My Unit | Reflet | Robin, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Morgan, Other, a little implied bdsm, fake death, nonbinary Robin, referenced canon death, referenced dream death, referenced possession, sometime before chapter 23, specifically electrical play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-11 17:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15320466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightstarr/pseuds/twilightstarr
Summary: Of all the plans Robin has ever come up with, this one is their least favorite.





	To Escape What's Inside Me

**Author's Note:**

> It occurred to me that Robin would probably have some angst around this idea of fake-killing Chrom, and so this little thing happened.
> 
> Lazy title from Monster by Imagone Dragons, which I listened to a lot while writing this.

Robin’s singular focus lay on the streams of light flowing from their hand and bouncing and dissipating off of Morgan’s as they sat cross legged across from each other, trying to stay as consistent as humanly possible. Miriel had helped them experiment and figure out the technique to make the magic look more frightening than it was; now it was just a matter of getting used to it. Her help was no longer strictly necessary, though she had chosen to remain and record observations. Morgan, meanwhile, kept the magic contained, and pointed out any increase or decrease in force. So far, this time, the fluctuations had only been minor. 

Robin heard someone approaching through the grass behind their back. Robin had known this might happen even though they'd set up somewhat out of the way of camp, but that was alright. This was a chance to test themself against a distraction. Battlefields were usually not the quietest environments, after all. 

“Hey father!” Morgan greeted.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Chrom asked over the crackling of the electricity. 

“We are assisting Robin in training to deliberately apply a specific intensity while maintaining an illusion of lethal power in preparation for certain anticipated events,” Miriel replied. 

“Um…?”

Robin knew Chrom was blinking and looking at them for translation. “I'm practicing something… for the plan we discussed,” Robin clarified vaguely in Morgan’s presence. Morgan did not know all about the plan, and it needed to stay that way, but they’d still been willing to help with what they’d dubbed ‘The Mystery Strategy’. Miriel was the only other shepherd who knew now, and Robin knew she had it in her to not breathe a word of it. 

“Oh.” 

“Aww, why does father get to know about your mystery strategy?” Morgan complained. “Hey.” 

Robin realized they’d let agitation slip into the magic and tried to regain control, only to overcompensate and decrease the power too much. They let it die and stretched their stiff arm. Morgan also took the chance to wiggle their wrist. 

“Nearly three minutes. That is our new best time,” Miriel reported. 

“Good. Restart. Ready Morgan?” 

“Yep.”

“Should I go?” Chrom asked. 

Robin didn't start quite perfectly, erring on the side of too little, but it was close, and only took a second to adjust. “No. I need to be able to do this with distractions. Keep talking.”

“Well… um…” he stammered. 

“Did you have a reason to come looking for me?” Robin prompted. 

“I think I did, but I forgot,” he admitted. 

Morgan giggled. 

“How long have you two been at this?” he asked, voice drawing closer to Robin’s back. “You look tired.” 

“I’m fine,” Robin insisted. 

“About half an hour, not accounting for our experimentation before the practice sessions,” replied Miriel. 

“My arm is getting pretty tired,” Morgan admitted. “And this is getting boring.” 

“You're sweating,” Chrom argued, almost in Robin’s ear, having knelt closer to their level. 

“I’m not--” a hand brushed through the damp hair on their forehead, “--oh, I am.” The spell fizzled and lost brilliance, and Robin struggled to correct it. 

“A little more,” said Morgan, then, “Too much. There.”

Finally Robin got it right again, but then realized they'd let their back lean into Chrom’s chest. The instant Robin straightened up, they lost their control again. They let go of the magic and begrudgingly took notice of their heavy breathing. This was tiring, more so than simply letting their energy flow at full power. “Having any seconds thoughts about this idea?"

“No, I’m sure you’ll get it. You've just worn yourself out.” 

Robin turned around, facing him at last. “Chrom…” they hesitated. 

“Are we finished?” Miriel asked. 

“Yes, I think we’re done for now. Thanks for your help, Miriel.”

“Hey, what about me?” Morgan objected. 

“You too, Morgan,” Robin added. 

Miriel gathered her notes and left, but Morgan stayed, eyes locked on their parents. 

“Um, Morgan, why are you staring at us?” Chrom asked. 

“Oh, it just looked like you were about to have a sappy moment, and I thought maybe it could trigger some memories of you,” they explained. 

“Well… it’s making me uncomfortable.” 

“Okay. Sorry father. I’ll look at something else, like… the grass! It’s all green and… grassy. Fascinating. Go on. Pretend I’m not here.” 

Robin and Chrom looked at each other and chuckled at their peculiar child. 

“I have a better idea. Come over here,” Chrom gestured. 

“Oh, are we doing a group hug?”

“Yeah, assuming your cennend doesn’t fight me.” 

“Alright,” Robin gave in, letting Chrom pull them in while Morgan practically jumped on him. Robin couldn’t help a little smile at their child’s joy, despite the concerns on their mind.

“No memories,” Morgan sighed after a peaceful moment. “That was nice though. Hmm, I wonder what Owain’s up to,” they mused, standing and brushing off. “See you two later.” And with that, the kid bounded off in search of something more entertaining, blissfully unaware of the heavy silence left in their wake.

“I suggest you put your life in my hands, and you have no misgivings?” Robin started when they were gone. 

“You've never given me reason to doubt you.”

“Yes, I have.” 

“That wasn't your fault.” 

“Do you mean Emmeryn or the Fire Emblem?” 

“Well, both, but the latter is more relevant.” 

“And if... it happens again, and I lose myself, it still won't be my fault?” 

“It _won't_ happen again.” 

“But what if it does? It won't matter if it's my fault or not. You’ll still be dead.” 

“But if Validar thinks I'm dead, he should stop trying to make you kill me, right? Your words, not mine.” 

Right, Robin had said something like that while coming up with this idea. It did sound logical, almost logical enough to ease their worrying. Still, the vision remained clear in Robin’s mind. It was too easy to lay a hand exactly where they'd watched a bolt run through him. “You know it's still going to hurt, right?” 

“Yes, Robin, I’m aware that lightning hurts,” Chrom retorted. “You’ve made sure of that.” 

“Not the way it hurts when I hit you with my _static tome,_ ” Robin emphasized. “I couldn't kill you with that one if I tried. This should stun you for at least a few seconds, and I'm going to have to let you hit the floor convincingly.” 

“Okay.” 

“That’s it? Okay?” 

“Yeah.”

“Chrom, you have to let me do it. You cannot try to dodge me even when you know what's coming. You’re not supposed to know, and if you show any hesitation… I don't think I could do it, not while I’m still in my right mind,” Robin confessed. “Do you honestly trust me that much?” 

“Yes, I do,” he swore, with a hand on Robin’s cheek. 

He was probably going to lead into a kiss, but Robin had another idea right then. “Let's prove it then.” They took their Thoron back in hand, opening the tome as they stood. 

“Shouldn't we get Lissa for this?” Chrom asked as he followed to his feet. 

“No. She won't just let me do this to you without knowing why. I have a potion in my cloak that should be enough.” 

“You're bluffing,” Chrom realized. 

“You’re certain?” Robin asked, forming a spear of lightning around their hand.

Chrom glanced at the magic, but then fixed his eyes back on Robin’s. “You think I don’t know you better than that?” 

“Do you, really? Do I even know myself?” 

“Maybe I don’t know who you might have been, but I know who you are now. You can't scare me that easily.” Instead of retreating, he stepped closer. 

He was right, of course. Robin was nowhere near physically or emotionally prepared to follow through with this. They'd just had to see if he would run away from them. The spell faded, and Robin put the tome back on the ground. 

“Like I said, I trust you. I meant it, Robin. Now do you trust _me_?” 

There was pain in his voice, and the guilt crashed over Robin like a wave. “I'm so sorry,” they choked through a sob. “You're right. I was testing you, and that wasn't fair. It's myself I don't trust.” 

A hand on Robin’s shoulder, guiding them forward.

“Don’t. I don't deserve--”

“Yes you do,” Chrom insisted. Despite the protests, Robin made no effort to escape, and, once locked in his arms, clung to him as they cried. 

“I'm sorry for scaring you.”

“I wasn't scared.” 

“How can you be so unafraid?” Robin asked, not without a bit of envy. 

“There are things I fear, but you're not one of them, and I'm braver with you by my side. Please, don't push me away. I need you.” There was a tremor in voice now too. Robin could feel his heart beat a little faster, his hold get a little tighter. He wasn't truly as fearless as he might have seemed a minute ago, though he had a lot of courage. Robin had suggested leaving the army before, but how could they when Chrom asked them to stay, and when they couldn't resist the urge to protect him, whether it be from foes or his own valor? 

“I won’t.” 

“I know it’s been hard for you lately, and if it were me in your place, I’m sure I’d feel terrible as well, but you only have to hold on a little while longer, okay? It’ll be over soon. You’ll get used to holding Thoron back with a little more practice. I’ve seen you do things more amazing before, and once Validar’s dead, we won't have to worry about this problem anymore.” 

To be free of this burden, the fear of being used against their own friends and family--there was nothing Robin wanted more. Only a little while longer--that sounded bearable, possible. 

“Hey, Robin, I believe in you.” 

“I know,” they smiled against his shoulder. Chrom didn’t need to say that, but it was endearing that he had. “Maybe you can believe in me enough for both of us.” 

“I’ll do my best.” 

This time, Robin let him kiss them.

**Author's Note:**

> "Once Validar is dead we won't have to worry about this anymore." Oh Chrom, if only that were true. 
> 
> Cennend: This isn't so well known of a word, so I thought it might need a note. It's a word for a nonbinary parent--an equivalent to "mother" or "father". "Parent" can be used for this in some cases of course, but it sounds off in others. For example, it isn't typically used as a direct address, and it doesn't sound very affectionate if you try. "Hey, parent"... you know?
> 
> Static tome: Softest version of lightning magic, designed to be safe to practice with. This a headcanon. I figured training tomes probably need to be a thing? There are a couple possible implications here. Either Robin has shocked Chrom a lot while sparring, or they've explored the _other uses_ such a tome would have. It's open to interpretation. I definitely had the latter in mind though.
> 
> Btw I have a Chrobin playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLKQKBIKAtshNXAh7-rwBanaVMFBuB7zUG


End file.
